On leaving.

Written a week ago.

I've been thinking about going away versus staying home.

My goal is to reach California straight out of college. The idea kind of makes me nervous. Sarah-from-home can't wait to graduate and get out, but she has a difficult home situation, and it'll be good for her to get out of Andover. (She's going to the Academy of Art University in San Francisco next year, for computer animation. She's like me, and wants to be a character animator at a large studio, hopefully Pixar.) But I'm not running away from anything. I'm reaching towards something. In my plan, that requires leaving home on the east coast to make a new home on the west coast. That means that over the summer, I want to go over there as well. Obviously not this summer, because I can't get anything. But after this year, hopefully.

I feel kind of weird about it.

New York City is one thing. California is quite another. It's a fucking country away. My family's over here. My friends are over here. My life, right now, is over here.

I mean. I want to go. I really, really want to go. You don't even know how much I want to go. But even though I'm not running..I feel like I am. I won't be able to see my family as much. Or my home-friends. And gods forbid I actually start dating someone. (Yeah right.)

I want to be gone summers. And then I'll want to be gone the rest of my life, after I graduate. It's just..a weird feeling.

It's at least a year away, though. And then three years. We'll think about it later, shall we?